During past five years or so spent in India and USA, I have witnessed a very glaring stand alone striking similarity; in both the countries, barring their die hard followers, most of the population is aware that their leaders have lined their expectations with lies and continue to do so  They are questioning them. However, sadly these leaders continue to obfuscate the muddy waters with more never ending lies. A pathetic situation brought forth by the very same people who chose these leaders and their political parties through the democratic process.

I do not claim to strictly adhere to  the Quran(2:42) where it says “And do not cloak (and confuse) the truth with falsehood. Do not suppress the truth knowingly.” We are not to lie, even if this might win us an advantage.

The lies which I tell, do give me space and relief to the extent that I am saved the bother to spend unproductive hours in a shopping mall or visit to not so interesting places and persons. The lies do give me advantage however without rendering harmful consequences, and I lie only when every other opening is blocked. I suppose most of us are similarly inclined.

Why then is the present leadership lying all the time? I did a short study and before we give an appropriate opprobrium to them, let me share a few of the pronouncements from renowned thinkers and psychiatrists.

No, it is  not a mental illness. In some cases the parent essentially teaches the person: if you can not get love by being who you are; you must show off and tell lies in order to get love from others. Lessons learned early in life are hard  to get over in teenage and adulthood! With good, ongoing therapy with a skilled therapist, the personality disorders can be treated and helped. But in most cases a person continues to tell lies because he can! He is getting away with telling lies probably ever since he was a kid.

Of course all students will tell little white lies to keep from being punished. They know the teachers rarely call them to task for a possible lie. So they know lying is no problem at school or at home. When they get into the “real” world and continue to lie and get by with it a few times, they continue with the habit! Work may be more of a challenge sometimes, but most of the “bosses” have more important things to do than sort out lies or accusations made by employees.

When they grow up and take some responsibility for their actions, they will keep right on telling one lie after another to either cover his tracks or try to justify whatever they are doing is not  wrong! There’s an old saying that if you tell a lie, you have to tell two more to try and cover it up!

When they want something positive they think they would not get if  they were to ask for it in a straightforward fashion so they resorts to lies. They find an embellished or distorted story infinitely more stimulating or “titillating” than the unvarnished truth. So, basically, they lie because they find it pleasurable.

Then why does a person lie all the time? Some of the reasons could be:

• The lie does matter to him. This perhaps is  number one reason people lie when it just does not matter is because they actually do think it matters. While everyone around them thinks it is an inconsequential issue, the liar believes it is critically important.
• Telling the truth feels like giving up control. Often, people tell lies because they are trying to control a situation and exert influence toward getting the decisions or reactions they want. The truth can be “inconvenient” because it might not conform to their narrative.
• They do not  want to disappoint you. It may not feel like it to you, but people who tell lie after lie are often are worried about losing the respect of those around them. They want you to like them, be impressed, and value them. And they are worried that the truth might lead you to reject or shame them.
• Lies snowball. We tell a little itty bitty lie, but then to cover that lie, we have to tell another one, then another, and another, each gets bigger and bigger. Finally, we argue about the weather or any other distraction, because to admit  the lie would create a potential of the entire house of cards tumbling down. If a  liar admits to any single lie, he would feel like he is admitting to being a liar, and then you’ll have reason to distrust them.
• It is not a lie to them. The liars are under so much pressure in the moment that their memory becomes simply unreliable. When they say something, it’s often because they genuinely believe, at that moment, that it is the truth. Sometimes, this can become so severe that the person almost seems to have created a complete alternate world in their head, one that conforms to their moment-by-moment beliefs and needs. They want it to be true.
• The liar might want their lie to be true so badly that their desire and needs again overwhelm their instinct to tell the truth. “Be the change you want to see in the world,” Gandhi never actually said. But  liars hope that they can make something come true by saying it over and over, and by believing it as hard as they can. In today’s environment of “alternative facts,” it is hard not to see this as somewhat justified.
• Admiration and Popularity. The person wants reward or acclaim for something he or she did not do. He or she craves attention and esteem from others to combat feelings of inadequacy. He may also seek attention by pretending to be victims of crimes or creating other dramatic situations that didn’t really happen.
• Control and Manipulation. He lies because he wants something he would not be able to get otherwise. The lying continues because he craves the attention and thrill of getting away by manipulating the victim of the lies even further. He often uses  “gas lighting,” a technique where he convinces others that their realities are incorrect and only the liar knows what really happened.
• Low Self Esteem. The goal here is to gain sympathy or empathy.  He fears people will reject him if they think he has any bad qualities, so he exaggerates the good ones.
• Disguising Failure. He wants to avoid getting in trouble by making other people responsible for something he has done.

So what do you call someone who lies all the time?

There are many different things people call someone who lies all the time. A person who lies all the time is often, may be called a liar or a habitual liar. They can also be called dishonest,  untrustworthy, deceitful, deceptive, fraudulent and misleading.

A pathological liar also known as a sociopath, is quite different from a compulsive liar. The pathological liar will lie for absolutely for no reason, and do so very convincingly. The label “compulsive” liar has also been given to those who do not seem to be able to refrain from truth distortions in their relationships. “Habitual” is probably the most accurate word to describe seemingly endless liars. These people are great at lying in all circumstances because they completely lack empathy for others. A congenital liar is someone who just cannot tell the truth.

When someone lies all the time, it can be hard to determine when they are telling the truth. Some people study a person’s body language, breathing or eye movements to determine whether or not they’re telling the truth, although it’s not always possible to detect a lie using these methods.

Hopefully you find this topical topic interesting;  In good old days the very thought of writing on this topic would be looked down upon as something distasteful,  unsavory and unworthy!

Alas times have changed! Waiting for Ache Din!  

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Dear Readers,

I seek your indulgence. I am posting an article written by my grandson KAZIM HUSAIN, 8 years old. Masha Allah a very fine boy who is keen to write and therefore recognizing his talent he has found space to be a regular scribe on this blog. Please do encourage him

Thank you

Shameem

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All about polar bears

The first fact about polar bears is that they live in Antarctica and Arctic close to the North and South poles. The second fact about polar bears is that there the largest carnivore that lives on land.The third fact about polar bears is that polar use as a platform to hunt seals.the fourth fact about polar is that polar clean themselves by rolling in the snow.The fifth fact is about polar bears is that they were the mascot for the 1988 winter olympics in Calgary,Canada.The sixth fact about polar bears is that polar bears can reach up to 25 mph on land and in water they can reach up to 6 mph.The seventh fact about polar bears is that they have 42 teeth.The eighth fact about polar bears is that seals make up most of their diet.The ninth fact is about global warming is very important because each time you litter something it  creates global warming which sends heat into the air and that air can travel all the way to Antarctica.Once it’s there the heat melts the ice so if all the ice is gone polar bears cannot survive.The last fact about polar bears is that there are 20,000 polar bears in this world.Those were some interesting facts about polar bears.

 

 

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